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BETWEEN PARENTS AND CHILDREN

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

Many people have various questions in their mind, even if they do not ask these with their elders -- Ulamaa and Mashaaikh. For example: What is the best Du’aa, a mother could make for her child? How do I approach my children on being punctual with Salaah? How can communication be created between parents and children?

The answer needs a bit detail to grasp the real crux of the issue.

A mother’s Du’aa for her child is most definitely accepted as her Du’aa has the highest level of Ikhlaas (Sincerity) due to the following reasons: The mother has natural and intense love for her child.

The mother has an honest and true concern and wellbeing for her child.

The child’s success is her happiness.

The child’s pain is her pain.

There is no room of insincerity in the heart of the mother for her child. She presents a live heart to Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta'aalaa) and gives it all to Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta'aalaa) for her child.

One general and encompassing Du’aa is:

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا۔۔۔۔۔۔۔

“Our Lord! Give us, from our spouses and our children, comfort of eyes, and make us heads of the God-fearing.” (al-Fuqan 25:74)

The coolness of the eyes refers to: Ones child having good and sound character and conduct.

Performing acts of virtue -- Salaah, Zikr, Tilaawat of the Quraan, etc.

Obedience to parents.

In order to achieve these qualities, the Du’aa must be preceded and accompanied by nurturing the child towards inculcating these qualities.

The joint parental attention towards the child will make it possible to realize the ideal child. The father plays a dominating role of being firm to the child. The mother’s role is more of love and care. Her firmness is tucked and hidden in her love. The child naturally knows the firmness of the father and the love of the mother. The child has to be fed with both qualities. Firmness trains the child to do the correct things. Showing love to the child makes the child feel fulfilled and loving.

Both parents have to take an active part in all major aspects of the child’s life. Make the child a recipient of discipline and love. Quality time is important to instill in them values of life.

Hereunder are some things to do to maintain good communication with ones child: Have meals as a family.

Enjoy Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta'aalaa)’s bounties together and engage in quality discussions on Religion and its related issues like Sunnah based lifestyle.

Play with the child and know his / her interests.

Know the child’s feelings and sentiments.

Praise the child when he / she does well. The child knows he / she is being observed and appreciated.

Rebuke with firmness for the wrongs and explain to the child why it is wrong.

Perform acts of Ibaadaat (Worships) together -- Salaah and Tilaawat of Quraan.

The father accompanies his child to the Masjid when he is old enough to understand at least the sanctity of Masjid.

The biggest tsunami today is the absent-parent syndrome. Whilst making Du’aa is most useful, it is effective if preceded and accompanied with proper care, attention, and love to the child.

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