MOTHER! MY BEST FRIEND!

Muhammad ash-Shareef

Hadhrat Aseer ibn Jaabir narrates:
Whenever people would come from Yemen, Hadhrat Umar would ask them, “Is Uways Al-Qaranee amongst you?” until, one year, he met Uways.

Hadhrat Umar asked, “Are you Uways Al-Qaranee?”

He said, “Yes.”

Hadhrat Umar continued, “From Muraad, then Qaran?”

He said, “Yes.”

Hadhrat Umar then asked, “Were you once afflicted with leprosy and your skin healed except for a dirham’s area?”

Uways said, “Yes.”

Hadhrat Umar finally asked, “Do you have a mother (that is alive)?”

He said, “Yes.”

Hadhrat Umar then said, “I heard Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta’aalaa)’s Messenger (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam) say, “Uways ibn Aamir will come to you with the delegations from Yemen, from Muraad, then from Qaran. He was once afflicted with leprosy and his skin healed except for a dirham’s area. He has a mother, and he treats her kindly. If he was to ever swear by Allah (for something) Allah would fulfill his oath. If you can, request that he ask forgiveness for you.”

Hadhrat Umar then requested from Uways, “Ask forgiveness for me.”

And Uways Al-Qaranee did. 

Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta’aalaa) commanded us:
“And your Lord decreed that you should worship none but Him and that you be dutiful to your Parents. If one of them or both attain old age in your life, then do not say to them “uff” (a word of disrespect), nor shout at them, rather address them in terms of honor. And lower for them the wing of submission and humility through mercy. And say, “My Lord! Grant them Your Mercy as they brought me up when I was small.” (Al-Israa 17:23-24)

Ad-Daylami collected from Hadhrat Husain ibne Ali, that the Prophet (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam) said:

“If Allah knew any smaller than uff (tsk) to be disrespectful to parents, He would have decreed it to be Haram!”

In Bukhari, a man came to the Prophet (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam) seeking permission to go for Jihad. The Prophet (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam) asked him, “Are your Parents alive?” He said, “Yes.” He said, “Perform Jihad (in your kind treatment) of them.”

If someone comes to you today and offers you a free lunch, what would be your response? No doubt you would smile, speak kindly to him, and reserve a special place in your heart for his memory. Why is it then that our parents receive only cold stares, harsh words and bitter treatment and they are who they are in our lives? For twenty or thirty years they fed us, clothed us, washed us, and showered their mercy on our soft skin. Their love for us never dies even if we do, love that goes even beyond us, to our children and even their children.

Dear Brothers and Sisters, we all have parents whether they are with us or not and many have not understood the severity of their position in our lives and their right to be respected and revered. Today I want to remind you and I of the true position of our Parents, may Allah have mercy on them all.

Birr Al-Waalidain is a characteristic of the Mu’min. Imam Hasan Al Basree defined it saying:

“Al-Birr is to obey the parents in everything that they ask so long as it is not to disobey Allah. Uqooq is to disown your parents, denying them all of your goodness.”

By the Ijma’ of the Ulamaa, being respectful and obedient to ones parents is Fardh (Obligatory)! Imam Ibne Hazm said, “(Obeying ones parents) is Fard!” and he quoted the verse:, “And your Lord decreed that you should worship none but Him and that you be dutiful to your Parents.”

To better understand what is meant by Birr Al-Waalidain (kindness to parents), the scholars set the following conditions:

* One: He should place the pleasure of his parents above the pleasure of anyone else, including himself and his wife and kids. Everyone.

* Two: He should obey them in everything they command or forbid, whether it agrees with his desires or not, so long as they do not command the disobedience of Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta’aalaa).

* Three: He should present them with everything he feels they desire, whether they ask for it or not. He should present it with kindness and mercy, understanding no matter what he does his shortcomings in fulfilling the true kindness that his parents deserve.

Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta’aalaa)’s love comes when our parents love us. And Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta’aalaa)’s anger comes when our parents are angry with us. Hadhrat Ibne Abbas said:

“There are three things that will not be accepted if it’s mate is not fulfilled. (And, one of them, he mentioned), “Thank Me (Allah) and your Parents..” (Luqmaan 31:14)

Hadhrat Ibn Abbas continued, “Thus whoever thanks Allah and is not thankful to his parents, Allah will not accept from him.”

The Prophet (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam) said:

“the Pleasure of Allah is from the pleasure of the parents, and the anger of Allah is from the anger of the parents.”

Let us think about how many of us treat our parents well. We shy away from them when they may need something. We never visit if we are away from them. In fact, many people, in West, dispose of their parents in retirement homes. And when an argument ignites between our parents and us, many of us shout at them as if we were arguing with our evilest enemy, May Allah protect us all.

Compare this to those that came before us. Dhibyaan ibn Ali ath-Thowree used to travel with his mother to Makkah l Mukarramah. There in the scorching heat he would dig a little pool and fill it with cool water. Then he would turn to his mother and say, “Ummi, sit in this water to cool yourself.”

For many of us, our friends are more precious to us than our Mother and Father. Forgetful we are of the time a man came to the Prophet (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam) and asked him who is more worthy of his dear companionship. He said, “your Mother!” The man asked again and again, and the Prophet (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam) replied, “Your Mother! Your Mother!” Until on the fourth time he said, “Your Father.” Today, when the common question is asked, “Who is your best friend?” How many people would say, “My mother!” But this is how the question should be answered and implemented.

What pleases our parents comes before everything, so long as it is not in disobedience of Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta’aalaa). The scholars understood this and set the example for us. Hadhrat Haiwah bin Shurayh, one of the Imams of our Ummah, used to give classes in front of his home. During the class, his Mother would call him to feed the chickens. He would stand up, leave the Halaqah, and go feed the chickens.

We all want Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta’aalaa) to accept from us, we would all like to enter Jannah (Paradise). Look down dear brothers and sisters, and you will find Jannah at the feet of your mother.

Narrated Ahmad and An-Nasaaee, from Hadhrat Mu’aawiyah ibne Jaahimah As-Sulamee:

My father, Jaahimah went to the Prophet (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam) and asked, “O Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta’aalaa)’s Messenger (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam)! I would like to go out and fight for the sake of Allah, and I have come to you for advice.” The Prophet (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam) asked him, “Is your Mother alive?” He said, “Yes.” “Then stay near her,” advised the Prophet (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam), “For at her feet is Jannah!”

On the other side, making our parents sad or even making them cry is one of the many ways to earn Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta’aalaa)’s anger. Imam Ahmad narrates, from Hadhrat Abdullah ibne Amr ibn Al-Aas:

A man came to the Prophet (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam) to give him his pledge of Allegiance. He said, “I have come to pledge allegiance to you for Hijrah! And I have left both my parents behind crying.”

The Prophet (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam) commanded him, “Go back, and the same way that you made them cry, make them laugh.”

Hadhra Ibne Umar said, “Making ones parents cry is amongst the Uqooq, a major sin!”

One of the scholars once said, “SubhaanAllah! How can we leave our parents sobbing, tears that the throne of Allah shakes for, tears that unsettle the Angels in the heavens, and then we claim that we want to go for Jihad so that Allah will be pleased with us? Go back and make them happy with your visit as you made them sad by your departure. If they laugh and are pleased with you, Allah will be pleased.”

During the funeral of his mother, Hadhrat Haarith Al-Aklee (ra) weeped. When asked for the reason of his tears he said, “Why should I not cry when one of my doors to Paradise has now closed?”

WE REAP WHAT WE PLANT
In a far away land, a long time ago, a boy was born blind. His widowed mother, the good Muslimah that she was, did not lose hope in her Du’aas and pray she did, continuously. A few years later, the boy’s sight returned. AlHamdulillaah.

She realized that her village was not befitting for her son to excel in Islamic education, so with her son in hand they migrated to Makkah. There she saw that he was being instructed in Quraan and Hadeeth, the latter becoming the young man’s focus. He went out far and wide collecting Hadeeth and compiled a Hadeeth book that sits next to the Quran in authenticity, forgetting not his mother that had raised him well. His mother named him Muhammad ibn Isma’il, and many of us know him today as: Al-Imam Al-Bukhari!

Dear brothers and sisters, how often is it that a farmer plants wheat and it comes out as a sunflower? You may say, never! For how can someone farm the seed of one plant and expect some other plant to grow. It just does not happen. Similarly, some parents leave their children waddling in the mud of television, music, movies, and disbelieving friends. Then when the child reaches grade 12 and asks to go to the final dance with a girlfriend, or when he enters University and stops offering Salaah, or when he gets married to a non-Muslim and himself becomes one, then the parents say, “What happened?”

Brothers and sisters, it is the harvest of what we planted. If we do not raise our children to be obedient, where do we expect them to learn? If we do not practice Islam ourselves, who will be our children’s example? How do you teach a child to wake up for Fajr, when he sees his own father and mother sleeping in, day after day? You may ask, how do I raise my children to be good Muslims, obedient to their parents? Consider the following:

Firstly: One should discipline their children throughout their youth. Hisham ibn Abd Al-Malik missed a son of his during Jumu’ah one week. When he met him later, he asked him, “Why did you miss Jumu’ah?” His son replied, “My donkey couldn’t make the trip.” His father then said, “Couldn’t you have walked!” For an entire year after that, Hisham ibn Abd Al-Malik made his son walk to Jumu’ah.

Secondly: The piety of the father and mother reaches the children. In the Quraan, Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta’aalaa) mentions for us the story of Hadhrat Khidhr, and how he rebuilt a wall for 2 orphans:

“And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in the town. Under it was a treasure belonging to them and their father was a righteous man” (Al-Kahf 18:82)

Look at how Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta’aalaa) protected these orphans because of the piety of their father. In Tafseer of Quraan, it is said that it was their grandfather seven generations back! Hadhrat Sa’eed ibne Jubair said, “I often lengthen my Salaah for the sake of my son, perhaps Allah may protect him (because of it).”

In conclusion, let us reflect on the virtue of respecting our parents:

* It is one of the greatest things that we can do. In Bukhari and Muslim, from Hadhrat Abdullah ibne Mas’ood, a man asked the Prophet (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam), “What deed is most beloved to Allah?”

He said, “Salah on time.”

The man asked, “And then?”

He said, “Respecting and revering ones parents.”

The man asked, “And then?”

He said, “Jihad for the sake of Allah.”

* It is a means by which our sins are forgiven. When Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta’aalaa) commanded in the Quraan:

“And We enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents..”

The next verse tells us:
“They are those from whom We shall accept the best of their deeds and overlook their evil deeds, (they shall be) amongst the dwellers of Jannah” (Al-ahqaaf 46:15-16)

* Respecting our parents will lead us to Jannah! In Saheeh Muslim, from Hadhrat Abu Hurairah, it is reported:

I heard Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta’aalaa)’s Messenger (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam) say, “May he perish! May he perish! May he perish!”

It was asked, “Who, O Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta’aalaa)’s Messenger (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam)”

The Prophet (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam) said, “He whose parents attain old age in his life (one or both of them) and he does not enter Jannah (because of his goodness towards them).”

And when our parents are gone, the goodness towards them does not end.

Hadhrat Malik ibn Rabi’ah Al-Sa’idi narrated:

We were sitting with Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta’aalaa)’s Messenger (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam) when an Ansari man came and asked, “O Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta’aalaa)’s Messenger (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam)! Is there anything left from my Birr to my parents that I should present to them after their death?”

The Prophet (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam) said, “Yes, four things: Pray and ask forgiveness for them. Fulfill their pledges. Be kind to their friends. And maintain the ties of kinship that come from only their direction. That is what is left from your Birr to them after their death.”

Hadhrat Aamir ibne Abdullah ibne Az-Zubair said, “My father died, and for an entire year I did not ask Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta’aalaa) for anything except that He forgive my father.”

Remember dear brothers and sisters as you meet your parents today, the words of Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta’aalaa)’s Messenger (SallAllaho Alaihe WaSallam):

“Do Jihad in (your kind treatment of) your parents.”

O Allah! Forgive us and our parents, and reward them with the finest reward.

O Allah! Elevate their position in Aakhirah and this Dunya; make that which befalls them an expiation for their sins.

O Allah! Grant them residence in Firdous, the highest level of Jannah, with the Prophets, the Siddeeqeen, and the Martyrs.