REVIVING OUR SENSE OF “GHAIRAH”
TO MUSLIM SISTERS

Sister Fatimah   

We live in societies in which most men and women have lost their sense of modesty, women are obsessed with their appearances and wear clothes to be seen by others and to attract the attention of other men even if they are married! They have lost their sense of shame. Marriage is often looked upon as old-fashioned or at least a formality or facing saving effort in the Muslim community and short term affairs and frivolous relationships are the norm, everyone waiting to attract a better partner and feeling totally justified to dump one partner for another at the drop of a hat. Feminism too has reached its peak and men and women are told to suppress their natural emotions. Men are not even embarrassed when their wives are dressed up and attract the attention of other men, they don’t mind if another man sees, chats, laughs and even dances with their womenfolk and if they do mind, they are told not to be so possessive!

In Islam, we have a concept of Ghairah. Ghairah is an Arabic word which means protectiveness or jealousy. It is a good type of jealousy, like when a man feels jealous or protective over his wife or sisters and other-womenfolk and doesn’t like other men to look at them. It is a natural in-built feeling Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) has given men and women. The Prophet (SallAllaho alaihe wa sallam) had the most Ghairah for his wives and all of the Sahaabah (Companions) were known for their Ghairah. All Muslim men should have a collective sense of protectiveness for Muslim women as Allah says in the Quraan: “The Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…” (Surah an-Nisaa:34)

Men who do not care about how their women behave and appear in front of other men and don’t ask their women to wear Hijaab, are committing a major sin.

A story of Ghairah
To further understand the quality of Ghairah, we can look at an incident that Hadhrat Asmaa, the daughter of Hadhrat Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq, and sister of Ummul Momineem Hadhrat Aaishah, relates about herself. Hadhrat Abu Bakr was a wealthy merchant and he married his daughter Hadhrat Asmaa to the great companion Hadhrat Zubair bin al-Awaam, who was a very poor man but a man of great piety and one of the companions who were promised Jannah (Paradise) by Prophet (SallAllaho alaihe wa sallam). Hadhrat Asmaa relates: “When Zubair married me, he had neither land nor wealth nor slave…”, so she had to work very hard kneading dough, going far off to get water. “And I used to carry on my head,” she continues, “the date stones from the land of Zubair which Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa)’s Messenger (SallAllaho alaihe wa sallam) had endowed him and it was a distance of two miles from Madinah al Munawwarah. One day, as I was carrying the date-stones upon my head, I happened to meet Allah’s Messenger (SallAllaho alaihe wa sallam), along with a group of his Sahaabah. He called me and caused the camel to sit down so that he could make me ride behind him. I felt shy to go with men and I remembered Zubair and his Ghairah and he was a man having the most Ghairah. The Messenger (SallAllaho alaihe wa sallam) of Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) understood my shyness and left. I came to Zubair and said: “The Messenger (SallAllaho alaihe wa sallam) of Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) met me as I was carrying date-stones upon my head and there was with him a group of his Sahaabah. He caused the camel to kneel so that I could mount it, but I felt shy and I remembered your Ghairah.” So she declined the offer made by the Prophet (SallAllaho alaihe wa sallam). Upon this Hadhrat Zubair said: “By Allah, the thought of you carrying date-stones upon your head is more severe a burden on me than you riding with him.” (related in Saheeh Bukhari)

Look at the sense of dignity and modesty of Hadhrat Asmaa! See how she felt shy in front of men? See how careful she was about her husband’s feelings? She knew that her husband had a lot of Ghairah so she didn’t want to upset him by accepting the Prophet (SallAllaho alaihe wa sallam)’s help even though the Prophet (SallAllaho alaihe wa sallam) was the purest of men and even though it meant bringing hardship on herself. And look at Hadhrat Zubair, even though he had a lot of Ghairah, he didn’t want to inconvenience his wife. What a beautiful relationship they had!

Nurturing our sense of Ghairah
Sometimes Muslim women don’t understand if their men folk want them to cover their faces or if they ask them to change something about the way they dress or speak in public, thinking that the men are being over-protective. But my dear sisters! If your husband asks you not to wear a certain style of dress because it brings the shape of your body out in open, or if he wants you to cover your face — by Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa), be thankful! Be proud of the fact that your husband has a sense of Ghairah for you and that he values you and cares for your Aaakhirah (Hereafter). He knows what men can be like more than you do and so never try and suppress his Ghairah in these types of matters. And his concern for you should incite your own sense of honor! Why should any man be able to see your beauty and think indecent thoughts about you? We must nurture our own and our men folk's sense of Ghairah by behaving and dressing modestly ourselves and paying attention to their valid opinions. We expect certain behavior from them and they expect it of us. And besides, if our husband asks us to do something that it not Haraam, we must do it.

Look at the difference between how Islam values and protects women and how cheaply women are treated outside of Islam! As Muslims we have to be careful that our Hayaa (sense of modesty and shame) and Ghairah doesn’t wear out in a society in which people have lost their Hayaa’ and Gheerah. And to this hieght that they even do not have in particular word for “Hayaa” and “Ghairah” in their Language dictionaries. 

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