RESPONSIBILITIES AND RIGHTS OF
PARENTS AND CHILDREN
IN ISLAM

Raisuddin Khan Sherani   

Duties, Responsibilities and Rights:

Having created man at making him His Vicegerent on earth Allah (SWT) provided guidance to human beings on inter-personal relationships, mutual respect for each other’s rights and privileges, love, cooperation and discipline for development of human behaviour and excellent conduct to create an environment, and social and economic order conducive to achieving peace, happiness, tranquility, security and safety for individuals, communities, nations and the entire humanity at large. Development of individuals is essential for growth and development of countries for accomplishing the objectives of collectives benefits for humanity. Allah (SWT), therefore, sent down through His Prophet (SallAllaho ‘alaihe wasallam), the principle and rules for discharging responsibilities, and obligations by human beings and granting rights and privileges commensurate with their obligations. There are duties laid down in Holy Quraan which every human being has towards fellow human beings. These are called fundamental human rights. The Holy Quraan has also prescribed another set of duties which we owe to others in consideration for their specific relationship. These may be catagorized as under:

1. Duties to Muslims as Muslims
2. Duties to non-Muslims as non- Muslims
3. Duties to relatives and non- relatives
4. Duties with respect to age, rank and status
5. Duties to specific categories of non-relatives

We will be specifically discussing obligations, responsibilities and rights of parents and also children in the light of Quraanic injunctions, Traditions of Holy Prophet Muhammad (SallAllaho ‘alaihe wasallam), and views of some great scholars, scientists, philosophers and statesmen.

Social and Spiritual Status of Child:

The Holy Quraan emphasises in the following verses that the child is respectable and honoured, is born sinless and is treated as innocent up to the age of discretions:

“We have honoured the sons of Adam”. (17:70)

“We have indeed created man in the best of moulds”. (95:4)

“Every soul draws the meed of its acts on none but itself: no bearer of burdens can bear the burden of another”. (6:164)

“On no soul doth Allah place a burden greater than it can bear.” (2:286)

Responsibilities of Parents:

The Quraan teaches that the child is a gift from Allah (SWT), the Creator, and a “Trust” of Allah (SWT) placed in the care of patents, and should, therefore, be treated with love and extreme care according to the following Quraanic verses:

“Lost are those who slay their children, from folly, without knowledge, and forbid food which Allah hath provided for them, inventing (lies) against Allah. They have indeed gone astray and heeded no guidance.” (6:140)

“Kill not your children for fear of want: We shall provide sustenance for them as well as for you. Verily the killing of them is a great sin”. (17:31)

‘When news is brought to one of them, of (the birth of) a female (child), his face darkens, and he is filled with inward grief. With shame he hides himself from his people because of the bad news he has had! Shall he retain it on (sufferance and) contempt, or bury it in the dust? Ah! What an evil (choice) they decide on!” (16:58-59)

“When the female (infant), buried alive is questioned. For what crime she was killed.” (81:8-9)

“Even so in the eyes of most of the Pagans, their “partners” made alluring the slaughter of their children, in order to lead them to their own destruction and cause confusion in their religion.” (6:137)

"........ if the parents desire to wean the child within two years by mutual consent and consultation, there is no sin upon them, and if ye people wish your children to be suckled by a nurse, then there is no sin on you when you give away what you had settled to give according to the usage. and fear Allah and know well that Allah Sees all your actions thoroughly. (2:233)

O ye who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men, and stones over which are (appointed) angels stern ‘(and) severe, who flinch not (from executing) the commands they receive from Allah, but do (precisely) what they are commanded.” (66:6)

The above Quraanic verses clearly indicate the responsibilities of parents towards their off springs and how they should take good care of them with love and affection, and protect them from the fires of hell. The following verses, beautifully sum up the parent’s love and affection to their children right from their birth, and children’s prayers to the Lord Almighty for bestowing mercy on their parents:

“We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents. In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months. At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty years, he says, O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for thy favour which thou hast bestowed upon me, and upon both my parents and that I may work righteousness such as thou mayest approve; and be gracious to me in my issue. Truly have I turned to thee and truly do I bow (to thee) in Islam”. (56:15)

Parent’s and Children’s Prayers:

The Quraan teaches the following prayers by parents to Allah (SWT) for leading their off-springs to the righteous path and cause them to be good and accomplished in every way. These verses are:

“O my Lord! For me, My parents, all who enter my house in faith, and (all) believing men and believing women and to the wrong-doers grant thou no increase but in perdition.” (71:28)

“O our Lord! Cover (us) with thy forgiveness - me, my parents and (all) believers on the day that the reckoning will be established.” (14 41)

“And. those who pray, ‘Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous’.” (25:74)

Rights of Parents in Islam:

In view of the role played by parents to lead and guide the children and take care of them under all circumstances to ensure a satisfied physical and spiritual life in this world and the Hereafter, Allah (SWT) has granted specific rights to them and commands the children to be respectful, obedient, loyal and extremely god to their parents and expressing their gratitude for all they have gone through in bringing them up and leading them to live a happy and contented life with honour and dignity. The Quraanic verses give comprehensive guidance for making all possible efforts to make their parents happy and seek their blessings in doing good deeds and accomplishing noble objectives.

The following verses of the Holy Quraan so clearly define how the children should discharge their duties and responsibilities to their parents: specially to their mothers as they had to devote their time, energy and sacrificed their comforts for the sake of children:

“Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life; say not to them a word of contempt nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility and’ say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them thy mercy even as they cherished me in childhood’. Your Lord knoweth best what is in your hearts. If ye do deed of righteousness, verily He is Most Forgiving to those who turn to him again and ‘again.’ (17:23-25)

“And We have enjoined on them (to be good) to his parents: In travail upon travail, did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (Hear the command) Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: To Me is (thy final) goal. But if they strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not: Yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration), and follow the way of those who turn to Me (in love) in the end the return of you all is to Me. And I will tell you the truth (and meaning) of all that you did.” (31:14-15)

Emphasis on Benevolence to Parents

In further elaboration of Quraanic injunctions regarding good treatment of parents by children, there are many authentic sayings of Prophet Muhammad (SallAllaho ‘alaihe wasallam). He has repeatedly emphasised the importance of obedience, respect and excellent behaviour to parents, and especially to mothers. Allah (SWT) knows best about the reason for this emphasis on importance of parent’s role and children’s obedience to parents but apparently this is to have integrated family structure based on mutual love and respect for ensuring harmonious relationship within family members both laterally and vertically. Peaceful and happy families will develop into happy communities and successful nations.

The following authentic sayings of the Prophet (SallAllaho ‘alaihe wasallam) provide elements of best possible human relations conducive to making successful and sound nation:

Hadhrat Abu Abdur. Rahman Abdullah Bin Mas’ood says that he asked the Holy Prophet (SallAllaho ‘alaihe wasallam): which is most fevourite with Allah Almighty? He answered: ‘Performing the Salaah (offering the prayers) in time.’ I asked: Thereafter? He said: ‘Good treatment of parents.’ I submitted: Then which next? He said: ‘Fighting or struggling in the way of Allah’. (Bukhari and Muslim)

Hadhrat Abu Horairah relates that the Holy Prophet (SallAllaho ‘alaihe wasallam) said: No son can repay his father (for his affection and love), unless he finds him a slave and purchases him and sets him free. (Muslim)

A man came to the Holy Prophet (SallAllaho ‘alaihe wasallam) and asked: ‘O Messenger of Allah, which person of all the people is best entitled to kind treatment and the good companionship from me? He answered ‘Your mother.’ The man asked: And then? He said: ‘Your mother.’ And after her? He said: Your mother. And after her? The Holy Prophet (SallAllaho ‘alaihe wasallam) said: Your father. (Bukhari and Muslim)

The Holy Prophet (SallAllaho ‘alaihe wasallam) said: “May his nose be rubbed in dust, May his nose be rubbed in dust, May his nose be rubbed in dust. (i.e. May he be humiliated. He said this thrice.), who found his parents, one or both, approaching old age, but did not enter paradise (by serving them).” (Muslim)

Hadhrat Asmaa Bint Abu Bakr Siddiq relates: My mother came to Madinah from Makkah to see me, while she was still an unbeliever. She had come to demand something from me. I enquired from the Holy Prophet (SallAllaho ‘alaihe wasallam): My mother has come to see me and she is expecting something from me. May I oblige her? He said: ‘Yes. Be kind to your mother.’ (Bukhari and Muslim)

Hadhrat Ibne Umar relates: “I had a wife whom I liked but my father disliked her:’ He, therefore, asked me to divorce her, which I refused”. Hadhrat Umar brought this fact to the notice of the Holy Prophet (SallAllaho ‘alaihe wasallam) who asked me: “Divorce her.” (Abu Dawood. and Tirmizi)

Hadhrat Abu Dardaa relates that a man came to him and said: ‘I have a wife and my mother asks me to divorce her.’ Hadhrat Abu Dardaa said to him that he had heard the Holy Prophet (SallAllaho ‘alaihe wasallam) saying: ‘A father is one of the strongest doors of Paradise. If you wish you may pull it down, or if you wish you may protect it.” (Tirmizi)

The Holy Prophet (SallAllaho ‘alaihe wasallam) said: I tell you what are the major sins? (He repeated this thrice.) We said: ‘Certainly, O Messenger of Allah.’ He said: ‘Association of others with Allah; disobedience of parents; and telling lie and giving false testimony’. (Bukhari and Muslim)

Hadhrat Abdullah Ibne ‘Amr Ibn al ‘Aas relates that the Holy Prophet (SallAllaho ‘alaihe wasallam) said: “Among the major sins are: Association of anybody with Allah, disobedience of parents, killing of a person and taking a false oath.” (Bukhari)

The Holy Prophet (SallAllaho ‘alaihe wasallam) said: “One who disregards blood ties of kinship, will not enter Paradise.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

The Holy Prophet (SallAllaho ‘alaihe wasallam) said: “Allah has forbidden you from the disobedience of your parents, parsimony, usurping the property of others, and the burying alive of female infants and has disapproved for you useless talking, excessive questioning and waste of property.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

The Holy Prophet (SallAllaho ‘alaihe wasallam) said: the noblest deed is that a person should be benevolent towards his father’s friends. (Muslim)

Consequences of Disobedience of Parents:

Just as there are large number of cases of outstanding achievements and success due to love and respect of parents, there are plenty of cases of failures, despair and suffering on account of disrespect to and violation of parents’ advice.

Conclusion

The Quraanic injunctions, sayings of Holy Prophet Muhammad (SallAllaho ‘alaihe wasallam), rich rewards for obedience of parents and consequences of disobedience of parents already discussed make it abundantly clear that good treatment of parents by their off springs pays rich dividends. Those persons, who obey Allah’s commands and follow advices of Prophet Muhammad (SallAllaho ‘alaihe wasallam), lead happy successful and distinguished life through the blessings of their parents while those who violate Divine laws by causing displeasure of their parents are deprived of Allah’s blessings, but if they repent and ask their parents for forgiveness, Allah will surely show them the right path.  

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