ANGER

Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanavi     

What is Anger?

Anger is an emotional excitement triggered by intense displeasure over insult or injury. It is common sight that some comment or criticism or misbehaviour would throw one into an upsurge of excitement. Instant anger is something natural. Being beyond one’s control, one cannot be reproached for it. However, doing what anger demands to be done, especially when it is likely to cross the limits, is blameworthy. Let us keep in mind that the initial emotion of anger is involuntary - while acting under the dictate of one’s anger is voluntary. So, one may either do what his anger says he should, or may not want to do anything of the sort - both shall be a matter of choice. The secret is that one who elects not to placate his anger repeatedly will find that the push and pull of his habitual anger has weakened.

The three types of anger

1. The state of emotional excitement and the appearance of anger (by facial expressions only).

2. The shift from excitement to action, such as, shouting at or hitting somebody. Once a person has done so, it means that he has done everything his anger wanted him to do.

3. In the third level of anger, the initial emotional excitement is certainly there, but one does not let himself go out of control, nor does he release his anger, nor does he take any action at the spur of moment. Instead of that, he waits for the initial excitement to subside, deliberates, and then takes the necessary action.

Which one is the wisest?

Let us first concede that there is one or the other element of wisdom in anger from the viewpoint of reason or the Shari’ah. In order to discover that, we shall try to determine which of the three types mentioned above are more expedient.

Anger: Type One

Take the first type of anger - the initial emotional excitement. This is not forbidden. The Shari’ah does not ask us to become totally cold and insensitive. Anyone who wants to eliminate anger totally is in gross error. If this were the object, the Quraan would not talk about “those who suppress anger” and “when they become angry, they forgive.” And notice the negative in ‘laa taghdab’ of the Hadeeth which must be translated as ‘Do not act in anger’ because the negative would then be rendered redundant if the emotion of anger just did not exist. So, anger is not forbidden because it is out of man’s control - as is the case with all commands and prohibitions which revolve around what lies within man’s control.

Anger: Type Two

Now a few words about the second type, that is, acting under the heat of anger. Rationally, this course is totally devoid of all expedient considerations. Instead, it has many evils in attendance. As for the temperamental advantage of enjoying the feeling of supremacy, it cannot be denied. But one has to pay through the nose in the end - the sense of shame that overtakes is painful. There is no sense in abusing someone and creating an enemy or in gouging an eye or in breaking a hand - just because one failed to stop the rash of anger. Its consequences are bad in the present world and in the Hereafter as well. There is nothing good about it from the religious point of view, too, which teaches us to make things easy and not make them rough and spread out what is good and create no hatred. In short, this second type brings no benefit on any count.

Anger: Type Three

The best course is to deinflate the excitement of anger and act reasonably, yet one should retain some effect of the anger at this stage. If it goes away totally, the expedient good behind anger will not register. Of the many kinds of effect, think of the common bread. The bread is hot, so is the iron plate on which the bread is baked. One can put the hot bread into one’s mouth, but no one can even touch the hot plate. So, be warm like the bread, that is, your displeasure is apparent, but not your anger. Your manner of address retains a touch of reproach - far from becoming all lightning and thunder.

This course takes good care of human nature. The Holy Prophet (SallAllaho alaihe wasallam) said: “A Muslim is not allowed to stop talking to his brother-in-faith for anymore than three days.” This period is enough to calm down one angry self. Going beyond that is harmful. So, the Holy Prophet (SallAllaho alaihe wasallam) also said: “If someone did not talk to his brother-in-faith for a year, then, it is as if he has killed him.” In short, this last course yields the best of results - naturally, rationally and religiously.

How to control anger?

To start the process, one can take the following steps:

1. Exercise utmost restraint by conscious effort, even forcibly.

2. Diffuse the initial anger by thinking about his own personal shortcomings which will help subdue the upsurge to react.

3. Never proceed from anger to revenge.

4. Do your best to stay within limits when angry.

5. Remember a trick: Never react in anger - through words, or action. This will soften the blinding rash of anger.

1. Switch your mind on. Think: ‘Here I am. A sinner before Allah. Where would I go if He were to be angry with me?’

2. Suggest to yourself: ‘if I forgive this person, Allah will forgive me, InshaaAllah’.

3. Control yourself. Restraining anger always turns out to be good. Releasing anger always brings bad results - and the heart always aches as to why all those ugly things happened at all.

4. Anger ignites like fire and fire, once ablaze, spares nothing. So, have a safety valve of some sort on your body - a written reminder in your pocket or an amulet on your arm - which alerts you before you start following the dictation of your anger.

1. Walk away from the hot spot immediately after becoming angry. Or, sit down; or, lie down if anger persists.

2. If the occasion permits, let the other person be moved away from there.

3. Muster courage, for no treatment is possible without it.

4. Do not remain unoccupied at that time. Start doing something - like reading.

5. Recite the “Ta’awwoz”: ‘I seek the refuge of Allah against Satan, the rejected one’. Do it repeatedly.

6. Take a glass of water.

7. Perform Wudhu (ablution).

8. Think of sins and the punishment they may bring from Allah and turn sincerely to Him seeking His forgiveness.

9. Forgive the person who made you angry.

10. For people, who are naturally so short-tempered that the least provocation would make them much too angry to listen to any voice of reason, there is a wonderful way out, Since this kind of anger is a sort of physical disbalance, it needs a treatment which may appear to be a little unorthodox. Let the angry person wait until his anger subsides. After that, he should go to the person he was angry with despite being watched by people around. He should stand before him in all humility and beg his pardon, doing everything he can to show his remorse. If this is done once or twice, his haughty self will learn the lesson.

Be careful with children while in anger

The primary rule is: never beat children while in anger. Always wait for anger to cool down. If reprimand is in order, let this come only after total sanity has prevailed and no traces of anger are left. For children the best reprimand is to have them grounded. The loss of fun-time in that manner helps them correct their behaviour effectively.

Children have their rights given by Allah (SWT) like the rights of everyone else. We should bear in mind that all infringements of human rights are recorded. If the infringement of someone’s right goes unchallenged in this world, it will be challenged by Allah Almighty Himself- so much so that, should the ruler of a Muslim state act unjustly against the rights of even a disbeliever living under its protection, then, according to Hadeeth, Allah Almighty and His Messenger will demand the restoration of the disbeliever rights on his behalf! (Albalagh)

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